Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
