He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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