Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
