I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
