So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I forget how to act sober
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
