she woke up with a sticky ear
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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