i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
