i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
