Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
