Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
