One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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