all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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