just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
