I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
