Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
