I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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