Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
