What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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