I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
