dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
