yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
