woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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