I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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