Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
