I want to walk on stilts...naked
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
me + whiskey = a bad person
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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