do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
