I want to stick my p in your. b.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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