hell yes lets make some ravioli
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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