I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
