I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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