I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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