So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
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I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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