apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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