even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
