Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
