Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
