I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
