after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
