We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
