is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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