I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
