i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
