need another drink. this is the easiest way
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
