You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
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You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
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I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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