before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
