last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize