Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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