I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i love accidental penises.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
