they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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