Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
