i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
