I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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