You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
