I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
