I wish I could teleport
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
