This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
