I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
