On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
