woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
